Having sat through many an audition, watched the nervous actors, seen the harried crew, I thought I might put out a few pointers for auditioning at the Theatre.

Now, I am not a professional by any means, but as an insider, I can give a view to auditioning that maybe you hadn't thought of.

Something to keep in mind is the fact that we are not professionals, and we don't expect you to be either. We don't expect you to know chapter and verse. We don't need you to have memorized the stage manager's handbook. It's all right if you haven't. We tend to not require monologues. You need not show up dressed as the character you hope to be cast in, nor do you need to wear all black for that "clean slate" look. Here's a few helpful hints, though.

Show up on time. This is always a good thing. If you show up on time to the audition, it leads us to believe that you will be on time to rehearsals. In general, the way you behave at auditions reflects how you will behave during the rehearsals. If you showed up late, complaining and unprepared for auditions, and were obnoxious the whole time you were there, we can only assume this is the real you, and you will continue to behave this way. No one wants to work with that person. Be aware of the other people and be respectful of them.

Be prepared. This means everything from having your own pencil (not required, but nice) to knowing if you are auditioning for a musical or not, and do you need music? Which leads me to....

Know your lyrics. Enough said.

Know your conflicts. The scheduling depends on the director knowing when you are available, and if you forget to mention you're going out of town during tech week, he will likely be unhappy with you.

Be patient and quiet. You are not the only one there. The director has his or her attention focused on the people onstage and does not need to hear you, on another floor, complain about the long wait. We move as fast as we can. Things move faster when we can focus properly.

Be confident. You had the gumption to get to the Theatre, you sat through the line, you waited patiently and quietly. Now get up onstage, and wow people. We can't be impressed if we can't hear you.

We're just people. We don't bite. Most of us are nice. Go ahead and go crazy up there.

On your way out, don't beg for a call if you don't get cast. Traditionally if you are not cast, you don't get called, but rather an email letting you know.

That's just some basics, just some pointers, completely unofficial, not condoned by anyone, unsolicited, that I felt I might write up as someone who has watched so many auditions, and just wanted to reach out and say, "You. Be louder onstage. And you, you are annoying. Be quiet and wait your turn." Stay tuned for my next article, "How to behave at the Theatre", a quick run-down of footwear (we'd rather you had some), cleaning up your space and a tutorial on how to tell the stage manager if you are going to be late.